ROC4LIFE

It sounds like an Onion story, but it’s not.

For the first time in forever, New York City reported no shootings, stabbings or any other serious violent acts. That’s some Utopia shit. “Nice way to start the week,” Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne told the NY Daily News. Even more impressive, none of the officials seems to remember the last time this happened in NYC.

And it’s not just a one-day thing, either. Murders are down 23%, and shootings have dipped 10%, reports Gawker. And the city is on track to end the year with the fewest number of murders since 1960.

Raise your glass and toast to the Big Apple. Cue Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind.”

— Rizoh