Tiger Woods To Pay Ex-Wife $750 Million

Whew! Remember late last year when Tiger Woods had a domestic dispute with his wife over infidelity [READ HERE]? Remember that pathetic press conference Tiger held to tell the public that he's sorry for cheating on his wife and was seeking therapy for sex addiction [WATCH HERE]? The ordeal ain't over, kids.

Elin Nordegren, Tiger's scorned ex-wife, has financially castrated golf's superstar athlete to the tune of $750 million dollars in a divorce settlement. According to the divorce terms, Elin is banned from publicly discussing the details of her divorce or his skanky affairs with his numerous mistresses: socialite Rachel Uchitel, reality star Jaimee Grubbs, porn queen Joslyn James and up to 17 others.

On the other hand, Tiger is banned from bringing any girlfriends around their two children unless he puts a ring on it and makes her wife number two. This bans everyone except any female staff known to Elin.

Sole physical custody of three year-old daughter Sam and one year-old son Charlie has been given to Elin as well, but the former couple will share legal custody. This puts the breaks on Elin ever moving her family back to her native Sweden and allows Tiger to share decisions about their future. The custody terms can be adjusted in five years, but until then Tiger will be able to get his children for up to half of each week.

Elin, 30, originally sought over $300 million in their settlment, but quick and clever detective work by her team of divorce lawyers revealed that Tiger, 34, is worth much more than $1 billion. It must have been the Dubai golf resort he's building and his investments in a Bahamas resort.

Her friend explained: "Elin's legal team have done a great job digging up all sorts of assets.

"The price of the huge sum is her silence: no interviews, tell-all books, or TV appearances about this for the rest of her life -- even if Tiger dies first -- or she'll lose the lot."

"Everything's signed. Elin is ready to file for divorce at Orlando County Court. She expects to in the next seven days."

"Elin admits that despite everything, Tiger loves his kids and has been a decent dad. She is confident he will not pursue seeing the children that much, due to his work and lifestyle."

What do you really say to something like that?


-Monique "Marvelous Mo" Balcarran | Email: News@Roc4Life.com

Source: Gawker | Faux News